Push?

Parenting is a tough job at every stage in a child’s life. And up to the very last day, you’ll probably find yourself fussing over your kids, nagging them and trying to make them better people. As you know, most young humans just want to have fun, will little regard for their future – this worked well in the past, in a more carefree time, when policemen still wore shorts.

But life these days is full of stress. Gone are the carefree days of running around in the kampong and streets, no more climbing trees, crawling in drains and cycling through the jungle. Instead, it’s homework, studies, tuition, exams, CCA, and policemen in long pants.

Shannon, for some reason, likes to sit in the trunk.

Do your push them to excel. If so, how hard? Are you concerned about their mental strength, the possibility of depression and mood change? Children these days are not as hardy as we used to be – maybe because they weren’t given the opportunity to crawl in drains – and seem to be breaking down more easily. Suicide rates among kids is rising and we hear about students cutting themselves or having to go for counseling.

And when I talk about pushing, it’s no longer just about studying. We’ve become aware that not everyone is academically gifted. Some children excel at storytelling, music, sports – not everyone can figure out long division and fractions at 8 years old. And even at thirteen, some concepts take time to absorb into grey matter, especially when you have electronic dance music going on in the background.

But that means that there is more stress from other areas too! Run faster, jump higher, dance harder! The list goes on and the kids, even though they might look like they are having fun, are having to do much more. Well, the jury is still out on the benefits of such an upbringing, and when the jury comes back they would be all grown up anyway – so we’ll see.

But if there is no pushing, some of them will languish in the limbo realm of daydreaming, phone-playing and Kindle Hogwarts fairyland. Trust me, we know this – so there needs to be a certain amount of pushing (a.k.a. nagging) and threats. Some just need constant reminders to complete their work, prepare for exams, go for training and so on. It definitely isn’t automatic, although we all wish it were. The trick is to not go overboard and tip them over the limit.

I think the bottom-line is communication, moderation and empathy. Keep your children close, listen to what they say, either directly or indirectly. Make time to have fun, even in the midst of stressful exams – show them that you understand what they are going through and do not intend for them to be stressed for the sake of being stressed. Remind them that whatever happens, regardless of results, whatever the score, you will still love them and there would always be another chance. Let's be honestly, life has many paths and in most cases, it is not the end of the world - there are alternatives. As long as the family is healthy, happy and together, things will be ok

Look at us, we made it so far didn't we?