The Center of Fathering

I asked Nigel to take this group-selfie just for this post

Just like T-shirts, fathers come in all kinds of colours, sizes and quality. And just like T-shirts, they grow, shrink and eventually get worn out, depending on the material they are made of.

I don't claim to be an expert in Fathering, or even a great Father. In fact, I am far from perfect and could do with a lot more patience, understanding and empathy (and energy). Fathering is not a job, not a task, but a right - and a responsibility, and a huge one.

Why is the responsibility so huge? Because you have the power to make or break lives. The way you live, your philosophy can either produce champions or future inmates in prisons or mental institutes, or anything else in between. For this brief moment in time, nature has granted you the permission to be a creator, a director, or a destroyer, an assassin. Somehow it isn't your life, but it is your choice.

Dads these days are different from those of the previous generation where their main role used to be just to bring home that stash of cash. With more women in the workforce, roles are sometimes reversed and Mommies are very often slogging it out at the workplace. However, everyone (including the children) is realising that having a balanced parenting arrangement where both Mum and Dad play equal and balanced parts in bringing up the kids is the probably the best way of raising confident citizens of the future.

Mothers seem to know what to do - generations of moms have passed on the "mothering" genes and it is like computer code that is re-used and improved from version to version. Fathering, however, is a newer thing where we, as dads, are called on to be more than just the man in the house - we have to learn how to nurture, play, entertain and at the same time, be firm, steadfast and a strong (not just physically, but mentally, emotionally) example on how a grown-up man should carry themselves.

How do we do that? I can't give any fool-proof advise, but I think start by being physically fully-present (not playing on the phone type present), communicative/attentive and emotionally tuned-in to how your children are feeling - if they are happy, sad, stressed - and help them cope with their little lives as they grow.

Once in a while, take a group-selfie as it always seems to draw laughs and excitement, and is also a great way of storing memories.