Dear Nigel

I smacked Nigel just before bed just now and he cried. It was because he poked Shannon in her stomach, because she was making fun of him. She was making fun of because, because, because ... I'll spare you the details.

I immediately felt bad, and went back into the room. He was sobbing because of the pain, be he later said it no longer hurt. I think it might have been his pride, or the shock - he hasn't been smacked in a while.

I feel that our dear boy has been neglected in a way - less love these days, but more complaints, homework, demands and so on. We tend to put too much pressure on him, expecting him to act grown up and behave, finish his chores and school work on time - I feel like each time we talk to him, it's in a negative or commanding tone, lacking compassion and the caring that he once received as a tiny toddler.

I forget that inside his mind, he does long to be that cute boy that stole everyone's hearts and got away with many things because he was our precious darling. He might be subconsciously trying to get our attention again by being mischievous, unruly - are these the early makings of a troubled youth? He's no longer that cute 1 year old boy, but I bet part of him still wants to be.

From tomorrow, I aim to become more sensitive to his feelings and spend time understanding his thoughts. He tends to be a little quiet around me, and I'll have to ask him questions and engage him in conversation to get to his heart.